About a month ago I announced to the world that I have breast cancer. Just like that I put the news out there before God and everybody. I get accused often of being a ‘private person’ which is kind of hilarious considering the stuff I share with complete strangers. However the accusation of being private is fitting. I really hate having people all up in my business. David and I tend to keep to ourselves and just play the cards we’re dealt. Our way of coping is less about sharing and more about making light of things in order to deflect the attention. But lately it seems that he and I both have been impressed that the Lord would rather we allow others into this place we lovingly call Clarkville.
Our family creed has always been the same as the state motto for North Carolina. “To be rather than to seem.” Well… that and “If a little cheese is good, a lot of cheese is better.” Sometimes I wonder if our family mantra is more akin to Murphy’s Law: “Anything that can go wrong WILL go wrong.”
Poor Murphy. We feel your pain. Though we truly want to honor the Lord our lives are not always real pretty. I hope you are surrounded with as many good people as we are. For it seems the Lord does not expect us to bear our burdens alone. We’re learning that it’s important to allow people in. It’s not up to us to manage our image or to come off looking like we have it all together. Lord knows we need help.
But how do you say that and not come across like a whiny butt? Or needy? Or even ungodly? Aren’t we trusting God to get us through this? Do we not have the precious truth of Scripture emblazoned upon our very souls?
David said something very valuable to me one day. I love him even more for it. He said that Christian women have it hard. Because we know the Lord, it’s almost as if we’re expected to lose our hair and Flopsy and Mopsy and still go hopping down the bunny trail as if we can happily do all things through Christ Who strengthens us.
Those were not his exact words. My version is a very loose paraphrase. The man has loved me for forty some years and would never say Flopsy or Mopsy. But you get the point.
Sometimes it seems that if we call ourselves Christians it’s supposed to be okay to lose our hair then go out in public feeling hideous.
I’ve got news for you.
It’s not.
It hurts like Gehenna and I’m not good with it at all. I’m sad and crying like a fool even as I type the words. Apparently I am not real brave.
But you know what?
I’m pretty sure God knew that about me already. Step by step, day by day He’s turning my weakness into strength. This morning He took my hand and led me to a crazy verse about Moses of all people. It says that he “Kept right on going because he kept his eyes on the One who is invisible.” –Heb.11:27
Isn’t that odd? God commended Moses because he continued to put one foot in front of the other by trusting the God he could not see. What a picture of faith.
By His grace I will do the same.
At some point I’m going to have to leave the house without hair. It’s one thing to shave your head and look like Kelly Pickler. It’s a whole nother crapstorm to be sick as a dog and sixty-stinkin’-one with your head in a ball cap.
No, I didn’t find a wig. All the ones I tried on made me feel like a Muppet. That was a different cry-fest. So while I still have eyelashes and eyebrows I took the first selfie of my life so I could change my profile picture.
So here I am, in front of God and everybody trying to “be rather than to seem.” The smile is fake but it’s all I’ve got. And right on cue sweet David brought me homemade cheese grits to settle my tummy.
Because if a little cheese is good…
PS:
Special thanks to my beautiful friend Jennifer Naves who made a house call when my hair began falling out. With the skill of a gentle surgeon she cut away the curls and exposed the fact that life is still a wonderful joy to be held tightly.
Sweet Jennifer, you make me want to be brave. Much love from Clarkville!
Love and prayers Lynna
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Thanks sweet Mary. Sure counting on those prayers, although I didn’t expect such a kind response at 3:40 in the morning! =) Bless you girl!
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You look beautiful Lynna!
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This will make you stronger than ever. You are beautiful those curls were not your beauty, you are your beauty. But I know those tears, and I know it’s ok to shed them. I love you and I’m praying for you.
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I know you understand dear Kay. Thank you so much!
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Sweetheart, I know your feelings and I feel your pain. It does get easier…..Give it all to God….every bit…………….he can and will take care of everything. I found it so much easier to tell everyone what I was going through and ask for all their prayers. Even strangers…every church prayer list………I cried, they cried………..but today I am a much better person because of this illness……I don’t want it again but it has made me a better person and I give God all the praise and the glory in his name. I love you beautiful lady……and you are exactly that!!!!!!!!
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Prayers for all of you! You look beautiful in that hat!
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Still beautiful!
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You are in my prayers constantly. Knowing how you struggle with health issues, I cannot imagine why you have to go through this one too. But I know God loves you dearly and He goes through this with you…one step at a time. Your picture is adorable. I love you!
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Thank you so much Carolyn. I know you know how to pray for me!
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You are very brave just to write that. Best wishes and thinking of you x
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I need your hat! So cute. My friend Ann gave me a straw one that shape and it’s a favorite. =)
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Thank you – if you want it you can have it x
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I think you are rocking that hat! I really like this picture and just think about the new adventure when your hair comes back. My remembering shaving my sisters head when clumps of her hair fell out and now her hair is prettier than ever. You will get through this and just remember you have a fan club cheering you on and praying that God gives you strength.
Sending our love,
Kenny and Rhonda
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So thankful for you all! Much love dear Rhonda!
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It’s not your hair that makes you who you are sweet lady – it’s your kind, sweet heart, love for life and love for our God. Prayers, gentle hugs and lots of love for you.
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I’ll be praying for you and your family! I’m sure God will get you through this, and I’m so thankful that He has blessed you with such loving and supportive family and friends to stand by you along the way!
You look fantastic in that hat, by the way! You have a beautiful smile 🙂
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Thanks so much dear Laura. Hope you are doing well!
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when I first saw the photo with your cap I thought, “is she not the cutiest thing”. I agree the hat or cap is much more comfortable than a wig! Love you to the moon dear friend! As I said before Richards sister has just completed this journey of chemo and will have surgery next week. You are on so many prayer list! Gods got this.
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Yes He does! =)
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“The smile is fake but it’s all I’ve got.” You’ve got a lot of spunk to put this out there, that’s what you’ve got! Prayers & hugs (& more cheese grits).
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You look beautiful!
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I love you even more for being real!
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I’m trying so hard to be honest. Sometimes honesty is not real pretty. Poor David has seen some real ugly lately, and I’m not even referring to my bald head. =/
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Lynna, you are beautiful inside and outside. Love you!
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You are beautiful with or without hair. It warms my heart to see the love between you and David after all these years. God has blessed you both, and I am sure He will be right there with you through this. Prayers for peace, strength and total healing.
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Thank you so much Glenda! David has seen the worst in me yet loves me well. I am so blessed to have him! He reminds me of the Lord.
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I’m so proud to call you Friend! We all need to hear REAL, and you give us a peek through your real window –a peek that shows a real, godly lady in the depths of a trial, and God right there strengthening her along the path.
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Thank you so much Nancy! Your friendship means the world to me!
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I think you look totally awesome!!!
Pam mc
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So kind. Appreciate your prayers Pam. 😊
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Prayers for you and your family. You and David hold such a special place in our hearts! Paul and I so truly loved being in Sunday School in your home! Such wonderful memories for us.
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That was such a fun happy season with everyone piling into the house on Sunday mornings. Thank you guys for all your prayers!
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I think you are Brave with a capital B! Love and prayers on this journey.
Yesterday the sweet Lord kept you on my mind and I prayed for you a lot.
Keep being real. Courage is more important than bravery. Courage is keeping on when you don’t feel brave. I love the hat!!!!
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You are brave! Thank you for sharing!
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Thank you Monica! And thanks for stopping by!
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